Border Collie Butt

Thank heavens an honest to goodness retailing giant like Nike is finally making a sincere effort to change the paradigm of women's shape. Now if they would only make the clothing patterns to go with it. But to use a Border Collie to further their goal? Now that just hits really close to home, and is almost, maybe, just a little bit too good to be true...and a little weird. Speaking of this butt; "It's a Border Collie that herds skinny women away from the best deals at clothing sales." Well, I just don't know what to make of that, but I find it fascinating that Nike has encorporated 2 huge aspects of my life in an ad campaign, my butt and my dogs. My, what an unlikely pairing, and yes my profile falls closely in line with the one pictured here...without the padding up top. But never mind that.

This woman's butt is also a space heater, and an embassador. What's the difference, do you suppose, between an EMbassador and an AMbassador? I don't know, but I'm so taken with the ad that I'm just going with it. "An embassador to those who walk behind me." An embassador of what, I wonder? EMbarrassment, because that's how I feel whenever I suspect someone is looking at my big ol' C-shaped space heater. And the cute little panties she's wearing? I promise you, she didn't wear them for long, and the first thing she did after the photo shoot was pull them out, I mean off, and slip into something a whole lot more comfortable, like a pair of men's boxer shorts or some cotton Hanes "No Ride Up" briefs, because they're the only ones that cover instead of encroach.

As if women with bodies like the one pictured here would actually wear these circus tents. No, it's just those of us with butts like a Border Collie who must choose hard reality over every man's wet-dream. So, what about those clothing patterns? Because I promise you if I try on Nike sportswear in another retailing giant, like, say Sports Authority, not only will there be too little material to cover my EMbassador, but the pants will have to be shortened by more than a few inches. Well, it's a start. First the lie, I mean impression, that women with Border Collie butts feel comfortable enough to strut them, then fashion follows function, right? I'll believe it when I "C" it.